Cultivating Confidence-Carol's story

I am an impatient person. All my life I have searched for how to get there faster, how to skip that step, how to get the answer without reading all the details, skim the rules and get started, cut to the chase. If you ask my mother she will say this is still a real problem for me.

Getting "there" faster can catapult you to the next fun, exciting thing and can give you a constant barrage of new things to focus on but the quickness robs you of enjoying the moments that got you there and will most likely cause you to miss out on deep, meaningful connections with those who may be on the journey with you. You definitely don't have time to look back and keep up with those you bonded with in the past. In my particular instance, it cause me to make some mistakes and miss opportunities I may have achieved if I had not been moving so fast.

I cannot say I have been cured of this issue but I can say that I have learned to slow down. Once my twenties were officially a thing of the past (and they really did go by in a blink of an eye), I had an awakening that kind of sounded like this: "WHOA!! How do you slow this thing down?? There is NO WAY I can be 30 years old."

Something happened. I needed my friends more than ever. I needed my parents more than ever. I need to make more money!! And it hit me: the priorities must be in line. Now! I started to slow down and become aware of what mattered to me. I started to take the time to do the things I wanted to do--taking that painting class, getting a dog (that tethers you to the house for sure-talk about a slow down), spending some time alone and not running errands. Being still.

I feel I now have a pretty decent sense of self. That is not to say that I even remotely think I have it all together. It just means that I am more accepting of the twists and turns that come my way instead of running so fast and trying to control it all. I do think that I have been able to slow things down and enjoy the moment and those who are in it with me instead of looking ahead to the next moment. However, it is sometimes a daily challenge to make those decisions.

I think that friendship, especially women-to-women it is extremely important. I think that women are in a state of unprecendented roles. We don't have mothers that have seen the world that we face. Now, more than ever, we have to rely on our peers as support and to show us the way. I have witnessed a lot of competition between women that ends up tearing each other apart instead of helping each other out. I have been so fortunate to have some incredible women as friends who have always beens supportive of my crazy ideas, actions and alway been there to hug me, let me vent, cheer me on, etc.

Most recently, I have spent quite a bit of time without my friends as most of them are just starting their families. As most of you know, that can be a defining moment in a friendship. People start to lost touch and move on to friends with more in common. I have been brave and putting myself out there with some other groups of women and it has been eye opening. Some other women are just mean to each other! The competition of what car you drive, whether you are married, whether you have children, whether you will work or stay home, where you got your clothes, etc. is ridiculous! My message is-be kind to each other and support one another. It makes life so much better.