Cultivating Confidence-Jill's story

When I was a teenager, I ran long distance races and qualified to run in State contest. I was actually pretty good and had a chance to place. When the gun went off and the pack started around the track, I got caught up in the crowd. My foot was stepped on, tripping me up and causing me to fall onto the track. The pack moved on without me and I had a choice . . . get up or quit? I got up and can still remember the crowd cheering me on, even in last place.

Growing up I thought of myself as a confident person. It was actually one of the traits I would immediately put down if asked to describe myself. Confident, Aspiring, Kind, Considerate, Devoted, Forgiving . . . As I got older and had things that didn’t quite go the way I planned, I began to question my own abilities, traits, and value. I began to realize that I had based my self-worth on what others thought of me. Being approved or accepted was more important to me than doing what I really wanted to. I even made concessions for my dreams and desires in attempt to be a person I thought others would like better.

I am not sure whether its age or life experience or both, but I feel more confident in my own opinions and decisions about my future. I wouldn’t necessarily change anything about my past, but I do appreciate that I worry less about how others see me and focus on how I feel about a situation. I am not always successful though! As with many personality traits, you can work on them, but they do not go away entirely. I find myself leaning on those that mean the most to me when I feel down on myself or stuck in a bad place.

If asked today how I describe myself I would make the same list, but for different reasons. I have learned acceptance in myself and a faith in God’s love for me. I am who I am and I am very important to many people in my life. There are people that count on me to be there just the way I am.

I don’t run races any more, but I do still trip at times and fall down. It happens to all of us, young and old, but the important thing is not that we fall. It’s how we handle ourselves after the fall that truly matters. Get up, dust yourself off and go on holding your head high. Sounds cheesy, but that’s what works for me!

Cultivating Confidence-Nelda's story

I recently had the unfortunate task of having “The Talk” with my six year old. Thankfully, it wasn’t THAT talk, but it was the first of what I’m sure will be many talks about self-esteem.

This came about because she saw two neighborhood friends playing outside, and asked me if she could play outside with them. After I told her to put her shoes on, she went tearing out the door. Two seconds later, she was back inside. She looked sad and slowly sat down on the couch. When I asked why she wasn’t playing, she said they had told her she couldn’t play with them. I wanted to beat their rude little butts. Why are girls so mean to each other? It’s something I’ve seen way too often as I watch my little girl growing up. Something that I experienced growing up and something I wish I could shield her from.

I want to tell her that kids were mean to me too…. They made fun of my big glasses, curly hair, and crooked teeth. I’m reminded of how I was made fun of for being too skinny and having chicken legs. I remember when I gained the dreaded “freshman fifteen” in college, and how happy I was to finally be able to gain weight! (What?!!??) All of these experiences made me realize as an adult something I could never grasp growing up. We are all unique, beautiful individuals, and we will never be the same as the next girl. And because we will never be the same, there will always be something you can be teased about.

It took me a long time to realize this. Even in my twenties, I was still trying to “fix” myself. I got braces as an adult. I also got Lasik to correct my horrible vision. I gained weight so I wasn’t so skinny. I don’t pretend to have it all figured out in my thirties, but I do know this: I still have chicken legs. But these chicken legs have carried me through countless miles and hopefully soon, my third half-marathon. I also have a tummy that isn’t as flat as I’d like or breasts that aren’t as perky as they used to be…and I could have these things “fixed”. But I’ve decided not to and instead I wear my mommy marks proudly. If I want to teach my children to love themselves as they were created, I should provide a good example of that. I gave birth and nursed two healthy, beautiful children with this body, and I want them to know how proud I am of that.

I think back to all of these things in my life: the lessons that have taken me years to learn and that I continue to learn every day. I think carefully before responding to her. I weigh my response cautiously and hope that I can start building in her a strong sense of self. I hope one day she will hear my voice inside her head when she experiences disappointment or hears mean things. If I do my best, I know she will have something she can fall back on as she learns to navigate the self-esteem minefield ahead.

Cultivating Confidence-Carol's story

I am an impatient person. All my life I have searched for how to get there faster, how to skip that step, how to get the answer without reading all the details, skim the rules and get started, cut to the chase. If you ask my mother she will say this is still a real problem for me.

Getting "there" faster can catapult you to the next fun, exciting thing and can give you a constant barrage of new things to focus on but the quickness robs you of enjoying the moments that got you there and will most likely cause you to miss out on deep, meaningful connections with those who may be on the journey with you. You definitely don't have time to look back and keep up with those you bonded with in the past. In my particular instance, it cause me to make some mistakes and miss opportunities I may have achieved if I had not been moving so fast.

I cannot say I have been cured of this issue but I can say that I have learned to slow down. Once my twenties were officially a thing of the past (and they really did go by in a blink of an eye), I had an awakening that kind of sounded like this: "WHOA!! How do you slow this thing down?? There is NO WAY I can be 30 years old."

Something happened. I needed my friends more than ever. I needed my parents more than ever. I need to make more money!! And it hit me: the priorities must be in line. Now! I started to slow down and become aware of what mattered to me. I started to take the time to do the things I wanted to do--taking that painting class, getting a dog (that tethers you to the house for sure-talk about a slow down), spending some time alone and not running errands. Being still.

I feel I now have a pretty decent sense of self. That is not to say that I even remotely think I have it all together. It just means that I am more accepting of the twists and turns that come my way instead of running so fast and trying to control it all. I do think that I have been able to slow things down and enjoy the moment and those who are in it with me instead of looking ahead to the next moment. However, it is sometimes a daily challenge to make those decisions.

I think that friendship, especially women-to-women it is extremely important. I think that women are in a state of unprecendented roles. We don't have mothers that have seen the world that we face. Now, more than ever, we have to rely on our peers as support and to show us the way. I have witnessed a lot of competition between women that ends up tearing each other apart instead of helping each other out. I have been so fortunate to have some incredible women as friends who have always beens supportive of my crazy ideas, actions and alway been there to hug me, let me vent, cheer me on, etc.

Most recently, I have spent quite a bit of time without my friends as most of them are just starting their families. As most of you know, that can be a defining moment in a friendship. People start to lost touch and move on to friends with more in common. I have been brave and putting myself out there with some other groups of women and it has been eye opening. Some other women are just mean to each other! The competition of what car you drive, whether you are married, whether you have children, whether you will work or stay home, where you got your clothes, etc. is ridiculous! My message is-be kind to each other and support one another. It makes life so much better.

Cultivating Confidence-Stacy's story

I grew up in a small North Texas town where I truly lived a cross between Mayberry and Friday Night Lights! There is a lot to be said for growing up in a town where everyone knows you – a place you could safely ride your bike and leave your house unlocked. We were at church on Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings and Wednesday nights. During this time I don’t really remember ever thinking that I couldn’t do or be anything that I wanted. There was a lot of time spent with family and friends. It was a great place to grow up, and I am blessed by the experiences I had there.

Somewhere along the way – I think around middle school or maybe high school – I started hearing things that made me pause. Things like: “Wow, you are a lot bigger than your Mom.” “You are built just like a fullback.” “You definitely are well endowed.” “You don’t need to eat that.” I don’t really think these things individually bothered me so much at the time. I was active in sports and school organizations, spent a lot of time with my friends, and truthfully was probably too busy to think too much about it. I do, however, remember wanting to be pretty. Like many girls my age, I wanted to enter the SEVENTEEN magazine model search. I filled out the form, had a friend take my picture, and prepared to mail the application. You can imagine my surprise when I was encouraged not to mail it because I “wasn’t the type of person” they were seeking. It was certainly a case of a loving person trying to shield me from disappointment, but it was then that I really started questioning some of the other comments that I had heard.

After high school, I went off to college. It was here that being the “nice” one was reinforced. I somehow always fell into the “nice” category – never the “pretty” one. I had experienced a bit of this in high school, but it was definitely magnified in college and shortly after. I was the person who was the guy’s friend and helped set them up with my prettier, more desirable friends. This discouraged me, so I tried dieting and running only to have my body fail me. I couldn’t maintain the limited calories and exercise schedule without passing out or getting sick, so I had to give up the control. That summer break, I heard, “I guess weight can look okay on some people”, and “you would look a lot better if you could lose about 10 pounds.”

As I progressed from college into the real world, the comments continued. “Why don’t you get the mole removed from your face?” “You should wear your hair differently so that your face doesn’t look so round.” “You do not need to wear sleeveless shirts because your arms are too big.” “You really don’t have the body to wear that.” And finally my favorite: “I have never seen boobs so big in my life. I told my wife you made Dolly Parton look like a teenager.”

Just before and right after I was married, my body failed me again. I struggled with health issues that affected my fertility. After I married, I had two painful miscarriages, and I wasn’t sure I would ever be blessed with a child.

I have struggled since high school with my body image. What can I do to make myself feel more beautiful, and will I ever see myself the way God intended are two questions that I constantly ask myself. I know that I am created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). I also know that He knows the number of hairs on my head (Luke 12:7). If He took the time to make each of us this unique and knows us so intimately, then shouldn’t we value ourselves as much as He values us? Why do I and so many others give the devil this foothold?

I’d like to say that I am confident in my beauty and have overcome the struggle. I have not; however, I am striving each day to remember that I am here because of a God that loved me so much that He died for me. Since God loves me so much that he made no one else like me, can’t I try to love the way He made me a little more? My pastor Ed Young recently spoke about this and termed it living with “Godfidence.”

My story has a happy ending…God blessed my husband and me with the most precious, healthy son seven years ago. My body didn’t fail me then. I have also learned that the struggles I have experienced are in part so that I can empathize and encourage so many other friends who have also dealt with insecurity and infertility. In the end, my daily goal is to strive to view myself the way my Creator made me. I want our entire family to exude “Godfidence”, and I especially want my son to know the eternal definition of beauty!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14

I heart faces-touch of sun

This week's challenge is touch of sun. I just loved the effect of the sun on this picture. Sun flare can be so scary at first, but I have learned to love it. Be sure to check out the other amazing entries at iheartfaces.

Cultivating Confidence-An encouraging word

I am playing catch up at home. I have been away on vacation and am getting back to taking pictures and catching up on the blog. I asked a few friends about getting their picture taken for my blog series and they were all feeling a little blah, which I totally understand. A lot of my friends are moms and work. It is hard to strike a balance between all the things you think you have to do and taking care of yourself is usually last on the list. I just wanted to tell you this--I know I am not perfect, I know I am not the smartest person, I know I am not the best photographer, I know I am no supermodel. I am finally learning to be okay with that. I try my best to better myself and learn more and hope to encourage others along the way. We all have something to contribute. It's up to you to use what you have been given.

Cultivating Confidence-Nicole's Story

Everyone wants to be loved.
I wanted to be loved.
I searched for love from all the wrong people.
Some were "best friends".
Some were boyfriends.
One person I didn't find love from was myself.
For me love equaled confidence and self esteem.
Middle school and high school I hated myself. I hated the way I looked. I didn't like being me. In middle school my "best friend" told me that pretty much everything about me was wrong. That validated what I was feeling. I also had a "best friend" tell me that a boy that I liked me and wanted to talk to me. Then when she saw that I was excited she laughed and told me she was just kidding and wanted to see how I reacted. Those were just a couple of the things that made my self esteem plummet in middle school.

High school came around and all I longed for was a relationship by a guy who didn't have to love me because I was family but because he wanted to love me. But I wasn't good enough. I was on Homecoming Court starting my sophmore year thru my senior year. I was Class President my sophmore to senior year and Student Body President. Even having titles like that I never got dates.

My first real boyfriend was at the end of my junior year. He was voted most handsome and very popular. It didn't last very long. He told me he loved me and then a couple days later he broke up with me. I was heart-broken. I asked why he told me he loved me if he didn't want to be with me and he said, "I knew that was what you wanted to hear". My second boyfriend told me he loved me. He cheated on me. I asked him why he told me he loved me. He said, "It was extreme infatuation" and took it back. I saw that I was not lovable and something was wrong with me. Another guy I liked but never dated came over one night and sat down on my bed and said, "I know you have always wanted to be with me and I like you, but I am afraid something better is going to come around." WOW. Awesome. At this point of time the Lord started to work on my heart. I told him I hadn't waited around for him and didn't need a guy like that.

After all of my bad luck with guys I decided I just wanted to be friends with guys and meet new people. I met a guy and we hung out. Once he found out I was still a virgin the calls stopped. I called him and asked him why he didn't call anymore. He told me that he couldn't be friends because of my virginity. This was the time I began to change and started listening to what the Lord was trying to get through to me. I didn't need a guy for me to feel loved, beautiful, important, or successful. I didn't have to give a part of me away to be loved. I was loved by my family, friends, and the Lord. I finally saw myself as beautiful but not because someone else thought I was but because I finally got a glimpse of how God saw me.

I am loved. The Lord has blessed me with an amazing husband that is more then what I could have dreamed of. He loves me for me. I look back now and the guys who I dated weren't the real thing, they were stepping stones. I praise the Lord for allowing me to finally find love in myself so I could allow someone so great as my husband to love me. I know what true love is.--the love of our Lord and Savior, the love of my husband, kids, and family. I pray that I can teach my daughter to not find her confidence and love in people, boys or things, but that she will look to the Lord, who will show her what true love is.

Cultivating Confidence-Emily's story

My daughter, Ava, is four years old. She is a beautiful child, and was born with the best possible combination of genetics. She has dark hair, blue eyes, and her daddy’s long legs. Ava is like most little girls and loves to watch princess movies. Cinderella, Snow White, Ariel, we’ve got them all. Second only to princess movies is her love for her own reflection in the mirror. I fix her hair every morning while she smiles at herself, and it’s one of my favorite times of day. A few months ago, I caught her standing on a stepstool in her room, frowning at her reflection and twirling her hair. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me she wished she had yellow hair like Rapunzel.

Becoming a parent is a profound experience, and there are so many aspects to raising a child that I feel completely unprepared for. This was one of those times, and I quickly reassured her she was beautiful just the way God made her. Still, the comment bothered me for the rest of the day. The thought that a sweet four-year-old is looking at herself in the mirror critically, and thinking that she doesn’t add up to some cartoon breaks my heart.

I started thinking back to when I was growing up, and about how much energy I wasted worrying about looking like someone else. Wanting to ditch my thick glasses to have perfect vision like this friend, or straight teeth like that friend, or long hair like another girl. Waking up at 5:30am to fix my hair just so, or put on eye make-up exactly like the picture in the magazine. Worried about what this person or that person might think of my new clothes.

I was brought up in a church home and have known about Jesus my entire life, but it was only after forming a personal relationship with Him in high school that I discovered true happiness. I began to spend more time in my Bible and less time in the mirror, and I realized I did need a makeover: a makeover for my soul. True peace comes only from Him, not from approval from anyone else. If we waste our time chasing a cartoon view of beauty, we’ll never achieve that and we’ll end up empty.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I still wear sparkly eye shadow, paint my nails, and layer on the highlights. You will rarely find me without big earrings in, and I won’t even walk to my mailbox without a coat of mascara on. But now I do those things now because they are fun to me, not because they make anyone else happy. 1 Samuel 16 says, “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

I still get out of balance some days, and I can spend too much time worried about how I look. I compare myself to someone else and wonder how I could change to attain some silly, unrealistic level of perfection. But I’ve noticed that when that happens, I’m focusing way too much on me. How I look, what other people think of me, who I can impress. When I spend time focusing on Him, and time working on making my heart reflect Him and His love for me, everything else falls into place. And that’s the message I should be passing on to my daughter.

Cultivating Confidence-Robin's Story

Confidence: A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

When my long-time friend, Jackie, asked me to contribute to Cultivating Confidence, I immediately went out and started asking people “what makes you feel confident?” I learned for some it is their appearance, some get it from their success and others from their intellect. For me, confidence came when I learned to be self-reliant and independent.

When I turned 15 years old, the first thing I did was find a job. I couldn’t wait to go to work. I wanted to earn my own money to buy whatever I wanted without having to ask for anything from anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I had wonderful parents who took great care of me but money didn’t grow on a tree and I didn’t like asking for things that weren’t essential. Once I began earning my own income, I found myself becoming more and more independent. Even though I still lived at home, I bought my own car, paid for my own clothes and even had braces put on my teeth. The ability to do that on my own gave me great confidence.

My senior year of high school I decided to join Business Professionals of America (BPA) so that I could go to school half a day and work half a day in an office environment. The program director placed me in a secretarial position with a local law firm as well as enrolled me in a number of BPA competitions. Good grades never came easy for me (which is why I rarely got them) but the world of business did. I excelled in my job and won regional, state and national business awards. Confidence boosters!

After I graduated from high school, college didn’t appeal to me. I wasn’t fond of school work and it seemed asinine to pay thousands of dollars to do it; risky I know. I knew what my strengths were so I set out to join the business world equipped, not with a college degree, but with a ton of confidence in myself and my ability to succeed. 20 years later I have helped build a very successful pipeline consulting company, which we sold in 2009. Today my time is spent building a new company called Big Little Fudge (a natural transition I know). The thing is, I knew absolutely nothing about pipelines or how to manufacture a food product. What I did know was that I couldn’t do either one unless I became an expert in them. With knowledge comes confidence, with confidence comes . . well . . anything you put your mind to...

Cultivating Confidence-Kristin's story

I grew up in an abusive home. My mother was the abuser. I don’t think she ever intended to be an abuser; she’s not a mean spirited person by birth. But she is a troubled person with a lost soul and an inability to cope with life’s stresses. She had a rotten childhood and I’m sure struggled with her own self esteem issues (in fact, I know she did). But the difference between me and her is that alcohol was her coping skill and I chose forgiveness. As an adult, I feel sorry for her, but there was a time I also felt sorry for me.

Growing up with a mom who is an alcoholic does tremendous damage to a young girl’s self esteem, not to mention the fact that the one woman in the world who is supposed to be your role model is absolutely incapable of fulfilling that role. I never felt like she really accepted me or loved me for who I was. I was too fat – she doesn’t like fat people. I was clumsy and awkward. I had glasses and acne. And, I had a broken heart. She probably has no clue the extent of the damage she did to me because we just don’t talk about it. It’s still a secret to most of people in the town where I grew up. But, when I found myself going down the wrong road, making terrible decisions, and putting my life in danger, I made the conscious decision that my life would be different. I would not be a statistic. I would not repeat her mistakes and end up with a miserable regret-filled life.

I had a few great close friends that I could confide in, and through the grace of God I was also provided some adult women role models who are strong, caring and loving, who provided the guidance and support my own mother could not. I had my dad too, who I am close to, even though he was a total enabler for my mother’s addiction. Through therapy I learned to accept myself. But the one key for me to move forward was forgiving my mother. Now, I didn’t say I have forgotten all that I went through. But it’s a lot of work to carry around anger, resentment and sadness, and I just don’t have the time or energy to waste on those emotions. I wrote her a card telling her I forgave her, and never gave it to her, but that was enough – I got it out on paper. Do I like how I grew up? No. Would I change it if I could? Yes. But, you know, it shaped me into the person I am today. It’s through those experiences that I learned what NOT to be. I learned what kind of mother I would not be to my future children. I learned to work through difficult situations and cope with the stress in a healthy way – not by drinking myself into oblivion. I learned that you create your own happiness. I learned how to trust in God. But most importantly, I had to forgive to let go. And I vowed that if given the chance, I would get it right with my own child.

I have a relationship with my mother today, and it’s amicable, but we’ll never be close. We don’t have the kind of relationship that some of my friends have with their mothers, which I do kind of envy. But, now it’s my turn to live up to my promise to God. I have a beautiful, amazing little girl who has changed my life and made me realize there are no limits to the amount of love I have for her. I would do anything for her. I would die for her. I will choose my words wisely and never put her down or ridicule her. I want her to be strong, independent, and confident in herself. I will always lift her up. Even though I was terrified to be a mother, I am proud of myself. I am not perfect, but I am doing my absolute best to lead her down the right path and give her a strong foundation for creating her own happy, fulfilled life.

Cultivating Confidence-My daughter's lesson back to me!

There is something really beautiful about the innocence of children and their unique perspective on life. My daughter loves dress up--it doesn't matter what day of the week it is. She can find an occassion to be "fashion" as she calls it and have fun. Today was one of those days. My mom bought her this dress so she could play dress up and she wears it all the time. Today it just struck me differently, but my daughter is a genius! Life is too short not to wear your fancy dresses and make yourself feel beautiful. She even obliged me and let me take her pictures--double score for me. I hope you will take it to heart just like I did. I may have to talk one my friend's into taking my picture in a fancy dress!

Cultivating Confidence-Allison S's story

Growing up, I was always someone that compared myself to others. I would look at other girls and think, she’s prettier, more athletic, more outgoing and the list could go on. I could always find a reason why I wasn’t good enough. I was also a big people pleaser. I found my self-worth in what others thought of me and therefore did everything I could to make others like me.

I am much more confident in who I am now. I realized that my problem was that I was putting my self-worth in people and not in God. I will never be able to please everyone, but God made me and loves me just the way I am. I will never have to do anything to try to earn his love. Knowing this gives me a deep inner peace about who I am.

As I get older, I realize that most women struggle with the same or similar issues. I wish that I had learned sooner that every girl that I compared myself to has insecurities or things she doesn’t like about herself. I know now that finding my worth in anything but God will always end in disappointment. I am happy about who I am in God regardless of what others think. I have learned that everyone doesn’t have to like me, but true friends will like me faults and all.

Cultivating Confidence-Stefanie's story

I used to worry so much about fitting in, being a part of the "cool" crowd". I think this is a common problem most young women face early in life. In reality, we should embrace being different, and paving our own path - not following someone else, or blending in. I am really proud to say that I stopped putting so much pressure on life, and following my heart and faith.

I visited an art show once, and there was a collage made my an artist that had the quote "Mistakes are Merely Steps up the Ladder" - Paul J. Meyer ... Ever since seeing that quote, I think the best message is to stop worrying so much if you make a mistake. Every error is a lesson learned and a chance to grow...

Cultivating Confidence-Jean's story

Let's just start out by asking who DOESN'T have insecurities? I know I do. For most of my life, my insecurities seemed to revolve around physical flaws. It then seems ironic that although I am getting older and with that comes wrinkles and a slower metabolism, somehow my insecurities have shifted away from the physical. Nowadays, I find flaws in my mothering, my "wifeing," and my job as a photographer. I'm sure that is due to my current top priorities...my kids, my husband, my photography, and my family's happiness. Don't get me wrong...I definitely don't want a sagging hiney, but I find myself questioning myself as a photographer or a parent much more than when I last got my eyebrows waxed.

I would dare say that I am more content with myself now than I ever have been. I'm not saying I have achieved some sort of amazing zen and have found the perfect balance. Far from it. But, I have realized that 1) I just flat out don't have the time to focus on my selfish desires, and 2) I WANT to focus on my top priorities...family, photography, and happiness. It is those "top priorities" that have allowed me to pull away from constantly criticizing my flaws. I love that I don't compare my physical flaws to others anymore. I love that I don't walk by a mirror and suck in my stomach and then obsess about it for the rest of the day. I love that I can sit down at a restaurant without worrying about how many calories are in my meal.

If I could give any advice...it would be to forget about comparing yourself to others....whether it be mothering, a hobby, a career, children, looks, body, etc. You are who you are and you can either dwell and be miserable, or accept and change.

Cultivating Confidence-Claire's story

Growing up as the baby of 5, you can say that I quickly learned how to make myself heard. As the years went on, I realized the reason why I was yearning for attention. I was seeking someone else to show me how special I was, tell me how much I was loved, and remind me that the Lord had a special plan for me all because I couldn’t tell myself those things and believe them. It confused me for a long time why I felt that way as a child. I had the most loving family I could have ever asked for and there was never a lack of love around. But for whatever reason that was how felt, and it was something I really struggled with right up until I graduated from college. Since then the Lord has really been teaching me to go to Him for encouragement, let Him show me how much I am loved, and most of all seek Him for wisdom and direction in my life. In today’s world, I have found that it truly is a battle not to get tangled up in what others think of me. It’s definitely not easy, and I often find myself being tempted to seek someone else’s approval instead of trusting in Him and what God has told me. Even though it is still a struggle sometimes, I am proud of how far I’ve come and am truly grateful for all the hardships and lessons I have learned thus far. I have so much to be grateful for, and when I stop and remind myself of that, it is hard to imagine how anyone could take that joy away.

My advice to young girls today would be not to waste all their energy seeking approval & validation from those around them in order to determine their self-worth. Learn to trust yourself and listen to your feelings. Surround yourself with loyal and encouraging friends. Never forget how special you are, and always remember that you are loved more than you could ever imagine.

Cultivating Confidence-Allison's story

Growing up I moved about every two years. When I was younger, it was fun and exciting, but as I got older I did not like it. When I was in eighth grade we moved from Wyoming to Colorado. Then in ninth grade, I moved from Colorado to New Mexico. I hated being the new girl. I felt like people were looking at me and judging me. I had a whole list of insecurities. I hated my nose and my profile especially. I did not want to be at a new school where everyone is looking at the new girl. I didn’t really want to make friends or have to meet new people. Eventually I made some great friends in New Mexico and loved living there. In fact, I moved back a few years ago.

I wish I could say that I do not have any insecurities now that I’m older, but that would be a lie. There are still things that bug me about myself, but I think you just come to accept yourself better. I know my nose is big, but I get it from my Grandma Pauline and she was an amazing woman, so that makes me proud. I rarely even think about my profile now and at one point I remember hating to sit at a basketball game or somewhere with people all around. That seems so silly now. I think we come to realize that there are way more important things in the world than us and our looks. As girls, we are always conscious of our looks, but as adults they do not consume us. Now, I am proud of my accomplishments and my children. I want to be a strong person for my girls and help them overcome their fears and insecurities. I do not think you can go through life without feeling there are things you’d like to change about yourself, but you can learn to love and appreciate all that you are and all that you have.

I am now the mom of three beautiful girls. I want to be a role model to them, but I still catch myself complaining about this or that. They always say, “Oh Mom!” I am making a conscious effort not to be critical of myself. I also always try to support them and point out the positive aspects of all situations. I want them to be able to walk with their heads held high, to be compassionate of others and to love themselves for who they are. I think they are well on their way, but I will always be here to help them overcome obstacles they face. I wish for a second we could see ourselves through the eyes of those who love us the most! I know we’d all love that person very much.

Cultivating Confidence-Annette's story

Growing up was not exactly easy for me, but I always tried to make the best of it. My parents divorced when I was nine years old. It was embarrassing for me as a child/teen mentioning that my parents were divorced because this meant we lived in an apartment, I didn’t have my own room and I may not be too much fun. I had many friends who had happily married parents, lived in a house, and even had a pet. I always wondered what it was like to grow up in a house with your own room. I took it for what it was and went with it, since it was all that I knew. I started to become insecure of who I was, because I was not too proud of what I had to offer to my friends. I always knew that making friends was not a problem, again, it was what I had that was. When I was in high school, we moved in with my grandmother, who lived in a green and yellow house with no air conditioning and I shared a room with my mom. I loved my mom greatly, but it was difficult not having much privacy when your friends were over. I was on the drill team, and drove a 1985 Mercury Zepher, again with no air conditioning. No matter where I went, my hair was flat, I was sweating before I had gotten to any destination, I had severe eczema due to the heat, and did not think that I was very pretty at all. I knew my parents were doing what they could for me, but it was hard to keep up with what all the other kids had in high school. This was difficult because it had taken a toll on my self-esteem, when high school was supposed to be some of the best years of my life. The motivation behind this insecurity was to graduate high school, become something of passion, and give myself all the things that I could never have and wanted.

Shortly after I graduated Graduate School, met my husband, married, we then had our first son, Jake. This was when my second insecurity hit me like a ton of bricks. It was being a mother and a wife. Who would of known that this was going to be an insecurity of mine? I surely didn’t! I had always envisioned what kind of mother and wife I wanted to be, “it shouldn’t be that hard, right?,” is what I would ask myself. Truthfully, being a parent and wife is one of the hardest jobs that I think I have ever had, even beyond my college years, which was pretty hard! I feel that it is hard knowing what your supposed to do as a wife and mother if you have never really seen a true picture of it. I had a mother, of course, but it was always stressful because we were always living in survival mode. It was rare to see that parenting was a joyous thing. And my parents divorced when I was so young that I didn’t get to see what being a wife was about in action either. It is a struggle, an inner battle, just to believe and hope that I am being the good mother and wife that I have always longed to be.

With these experiences and insecurities that I grew up with and still struggle with today, I have learned so much and would not take them back! It was hard and difficult and is still challenging to this day, but ultimately these experiences have made me become who I am. The Social Worker, Adoption Counselor, CPS Investigative Worker, Behavior Resource Specialist, and Special Ed Teacher, is what I have become and have experienced. I have a great love and passion for at-risk and Special Ed kids. I have a really big heart and would do just about anything to help these kids. I would buy them food, clothes, and hug them lots assuring them that they are loved and that they are special regardless what circumstance they were in. My experiences growing up motivated me to be the person that I passionately am. My best piece of advice is don’t let your insecurities get the best of you! Bottom line is, you are who you are because of your experiences and your life. Life is precious and you never know when it will be taken away. So teach those you love what life is all about, love them, and make time to teach them that what you have does not signify who you are. We tend to worry so much that living is actually very difficult for many of us who have these insecurities. Learn to be happy for no reason!

Cultivating Confidence-Linda's story

My name is Linda Morrison and I am a Christ-follower, a Wife, and a Mom.

I am confident.

I haven’t always been confident, though.

I used to be dependent on myself and I thought my ability to be confident for any period of time was made possible by events, other people, successes, and my own abilities. Because I misunderstood where confidence comes from, I was on a roller-coaster of self-worth.

Throughout my 20’s, my self-worth was low and my confidence relied solely on who or what people told me I was. I spent the early part of my 20’s working hard for the next job promotion and searching for a husband. My hard work paid off, though. I received promotion after promotion and even got married. After I was married and had the title I wanted at work, I thought I had it all.

I thought I had it all, but for only a little while. For three years I was failing at both the job and the marriage, until both ended. I was devastated and let my failures define me. My confidence and self-worth were at an all-time low and I didn’t know where to turn. I once again turned to my own abilities and relied on what others thought of me to define who I was. I worked more and more hours and spent my free time dating without discretion.

In my late 20’s, I was led by a single friend to Fellowship Church that had a very robust singles ministry. I know now that this change in direction for me was fully orchestrated by God. I attended church regularly, but didn’t think I was worthy because of my divorce. I soon learned about God’s true and real forgiveness for those who believe in Jesus Christ and his death on the cross. I knew the only way I could get off the roller coaster of low confidence and low self-worth was to call out to Jesus. That is just what I did on March 11, 2001.

I gave my life to Jesus, and through studying God’s word I learned where true confidence and self-worth comes from. They come from God. They come from God’s abilities in our lives and not our own abilities. Lasting and reliable confidence is available to all of us who have accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior. All we have to do is rely on a constant and never-changing God, instead of ourselves or other people.

So, 10 years after I accepted Christ and began studying God’s word regularly, I am married to a wonderful man, I have two beautiful children, and a fulfilling career. The best part of my life is not what I have, but whose I am. I am confident in an all-powerful and all-loving God.

For anyone struggling with lack of confidence, consider where you are trying to get it from. Godly confidence comes from taking the focus off our own strengths and placing our focus on His strength. We can’t, but He can!

Cultivating Confidence-Victoria's story

I don’t normally do an introduction for my cultivating confidence posts, but this week is a little different. You see, last week I reached out to a local celebrity and asked her if she would consider being a part of my series. I was so excited when she replied and said she would.

Victoria Snee is a co-host of the morning show on MIX 102.9 in Dallas. I have listened to her for years. She used to be an entertainment reporter on CW 33 who interviewed stars and went to movie premieres. I always thought she had good reviews and I found her very relatable. On the morning show, she does some very cool segments like “Star Style” and another one of my favorites is “Fashionably Frugal Friday.” Who doesn’t want to know about cool deals in the area that are in style and affordable?

She has a website called www.beautybuzzbook.com, where she shares beauty tips. She also just wrote a book called “The Beauty Buzz: No More Beauty B.S.!”

I cannot say enough good things about her. She had a number of books signings and appearances and yet she had her write up to me within days—that meant the world to me. She is also very passionate about promoting esteem in others, too. Here is Victoria’s story:


Photo provided by Victoria Snee

I would say that my biggest insecurity has always been fear of being myself and people not liking me. When I started in radio, we would always give our opinions about different topics and issues and at first, I didn’t want to say anything too controversial. I didn’t want to upset people or say something I thought they might not like. But then I realized, it didn’t really matter. Not everyone is going to love you. You will have people who don’t like you for things that you can’t even control, like the sound of your voice. I realized that if I am not true to myself, I can never be true to anyone else. Embrace who you are and love who you are. The opinion that matters most is your opinion about yourself.

I love that the older I get, the more confident I get. I feel more confident in my own skin. I feel good about the person that I am. I constantly strive to be a better person--a better wife, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend. I will always put pressure on myself to succeed both professionally and personally in my relationships, but I realize that it’s OK to make mistakes. If I do fall, I will dust myself off and get right back in there and not be scared to try again. Failing is when we truly learn what we are made of. I believe you must fail to truly succeed.

My best advice—never stop trying! When one door closes, another one always opens. I tell anyone trying to get into the broadcast business (TV or radio), take any job that they will give you no matter what it is. All you need is a foot in the door. Get in there and show them what you are really made of and what you can really do.